my NY visa sabotaged wedding

April 2008

Before I moved here back in June, I had planned a small wedding party in NYC to celebrate our marriage, allow Suleyman to meet my family & friends for the first time, and also act as a farewell party before my moving to Istanbul. This being my 2nd marriage, I was not obsessed with having the best of anything or consumed by controlling every detail. i had done that already, but being a neurotic New Yorker with an opinion, of course i had some requirements, and spent what little free time i had (when i wasn't packing and organizing my relocating) researching and arranging the event. but everything was dependent on one factor...my husband's visa. which the US govt had not yet granted him. We had applied in early March right after our nikah (Turkish civil marriage ceremony) but were still waiting, although still hopeful that he would receive it by the 4-6 weeks that the visa officer in Istanbul told my husband during his interview. so planning a wedding without having a definite date was slightly challenging. how can you reserve someone's services without giving them a date to work with? my one dear friend was kind enough to offer (or acquiesce when i asked) his apt & back deck for the afternoon event. the caterer was a friend of a friend and was gracious enough to hold the date and the date after that, and then the date after that, as it kept sliding from mid April to early June. i had an estimate from the bakery for the cake and planned to utilize friends to make cds to DJ the event. i even had a friend who was going to act as the wedding officiant. it was as homespun as is possible in nyc.
But the immigration gods had other plans, and week after week, we heard nothing about his visa. my husband periodically called the visa office in Istanbul, who told us to call the US visa dept. i called washington DC weekly and was flat out told to cancel my wedding. no one could give me any indication as to the status of my husband's application, and one visa officer told me it could take up to 4 months (not 4 weeks) but it all depends on the popularity of the person's name as they run it through their database, or whether his name was similar to anyone who was flagged in their system for questionable past behavior or worse, suspicion of terrorism.
great. so i held out as long as i could, but in the end as my one way flight to Istanbul drew near, i had to cancel it.

So as i boarded the plane at JFK with all my belongings having been shipped ahead on a container ship crossing the Atlantic, and all my remaining belongings crammed into 2 super sized checked suitcases (one well over the weight limit - but fortunately slipping past the check-in attendant) and 1 carry on bag, I also had slung over my arm a 6ft long white garment bag containing my wedding dress. so i consoled myself with having a wedding in Istanbul and hopefully a few dedicated souls who could afford to fly here for the event.