There is nothing like a newborn to bring you right into the moment. my first days with Deniz James have been a natural adjustment after a quick, but intense labor, and the resulting exhaustion and recovery. my days & nights are filled with caring for him, from feeding and changing and just staring at him with wonder, watching his face change from a deep blissful slumber to a red faced angry grimace and all the subtleties in between. everything is new, so i address his needs as they arise - hunger or comfort in its many forms. i lose track of time and place and exist only in a heightened state of sleep deprived bliss, at one with my little baby, still in disbelief that i had created & carried & nurtured this little soul, and now he is in my arms, on the other side.Day gives way to night as i sit in the stillness of twilight nursing him while the world sleeps, filled with a complete sense of peace & purpose and overcome with awe at the precious life i have created and am now responsible for. the days string together like pearls on a necklace, as i learn through repetition to master the skills to care for my little zen baby. like my zen master, he teaches me the joy of motherhood, not through words, but by being, as i move through my living meditation with him, feeling that much closer to nirvana as i gaze into his eyes. eyes that are filled with an eternal & indescribable wisdom, that slowly gives way to consciousness with each passing day.
This was so beautifully written. I love the way you write. It seems like you have taken to motherhood with natural ease. Deniz is so sweet and I can't wait to meet him. xx
ReplyDeletethanks GF! all the credit goes to little DJ - he was my inspiration ;)
ReplyDeleteVery sweet and moving. Those early days and weeks are so profound and I'll never forget them. I'm sure he'll be as centered as his mommy with such present, thoughtful mothering as yours.
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